It's common for couples to have totally different attitudes when it comes to money. One partner might be very thrifty and love to save, while the other enjoys indulging in shopping and dining out. These opposite spending habits can lead to arguments over budgeting and financial priorities.
Money differences shouldn't doom a relationship, but it takes effort and compromise from both partners to find balance. Having open communication and a shared financial plan is key to harmony.
Have honest talks about how you each view and handle money day-to-day. Identify major priorities you agree on, like saving for a house, taking a dream vacation, or paying off credit card debt. These shared goals are a great starting point to build a joint budget and financial vision.
Compromise by borrowing responsibly at lower rates. For example, use a 0% APR credit card or low-interest personal loan rather than racking up 20%+ credit card debt. Seek loan options like loans for bad credit tailored to your situation. Clarify repayment plans so you both stay aligned on managing that debt responsibly.
Having Good Money Talks
Other than waiting for issues, set a regular time to discuss money deeply with no distractions. Make it a normal routine, not a one-time chat.
When you talk, let your partner share their full view without judgement. Try hard to understand them, even if you disagree. Look for shared money values, hopes and worries.
The goal should be aligning your big vision, not nitpicking daily buys. Focus talks on shared long-term aims like retirement, paying off debt, and affording a home. Having this shared money vision makes finding compromises on specific spending easier.
Making a Budget Together
A couple’s budget is a strong tool for handling money together. Making it together leads to teamwork, keeping each other accountable, and openness.
- Fully list fixed monthly costs – housing, power, transportation, insurance, debt payments, subscriptions.
- Remember to add in occasional costs like taxes or memberships, too.
- Start with average amounts spent in past months for changeable costs like food, dining out, fun, and clothing.
- Decide how much to save for short and long-term goals based on what you both prioritise. This savings piece helps ensure you are both working toward money growth.
- Use a budget app to check actual spending versus the ongoing plan.
- Review the budget together monthly or more to see where you exceed targets and need to adjust to better meet evolving money aims. Having this accountability motivates.
Finding Compromise
Since you and your partner likely spend and see money differently, compromise is vital to bringing your money styles together. Being flexible in mindset is essential when making solo buys and separating needs from wants.
Carefully weigh each cost. Ask yourself – is this a desire or a true need? Look for ways to save, like choosing generics over brands, buying used, or waiting for sales. This thoughtful approach curbs impulse spending.
For joint purchases, try taking turns deciding on items. For example, if buying a couch, let one person pick a style, and the other choose a colour or fabric. Have each find options in an agreed budget on other needed household items. Then, come together and compromise to make final choices you both feel good about.
Additional Tips
Agree together on spending caps for individual discretionary purchases that don't need joint approval. But allow some wiggle room in those boundaries rather than micromanaging. Respect those self-set limits to avoid money fights.
If you earn very different amounts, consider proportional contributions to joint expenses and savings based on what you earn while still having shared accounts. This helps avoid either feeling money resentment.
Personal vs Joint Accounts
Deciding between personal and joint accounts is big for couples blending money. Take time to thoroughly talk through and reflect on what setup fits your unique relationship best.
Joint accounts promote openness, simplicity and a united partnership mentality. But they can also mean losing some freedom over personal spending. If you split, untangling money would be complicated.
Keeping fully separate accounts allows each partner to keep freedom and control over their own spending.
Setting Mutual Money Boundaries
Stress can come up when one partner feels the other overspends on pointless purchases or a lifestyle beyond your means. Setting mutual boundaries and spending caps helps avoid bad feelings.
- Before any unplanned discretionary buy, ask if it fits your shared money goals and priorities.
- Curb impulses that conflict with mutual plans.
- Stick to the parameters you both agreed on.
- Don’t make big money decisions without talking first.
- Follow through on the limits you set together. Recheck and set spending boundaries at least quarterly as life changes to ensure they still make sense or need adjustment.
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Getting Aligned on Shared Money Goals
Getting on the same page money-wise long term takes ongoing planning and communication. Map out shared money goals and timelines for making key ones happen.
For other big future purchases like a home, car, vacation property, or kids’ education, map out an estimated timeline and target price point. Break down costs into monthly savings aims.
Research and discuss investing risk comfort and plan. Determine the proper mix of stocks, bonds, real estate, etc. and preferred vehicles like index funds. Agree on a strategy you both feel good about.
Handling Money Conflicts
Even with good financial plans, some money fights will come up. Handle these with patience and as a team.
- Seek to understand the deeper interests or competing priorities that may be driving seemingly bad money habits. There is often more beneath the surface. Discuss with empathy.
- Collaborate to brainstorm solutions rather than laying down spending rules.
- Suggest less costly options that still meet the purpose.
- Offer more support during stressful times driving retail therapy.
If money conflicts continue and can’t be worked out together, seek outside help from a money coach or relationship counsellor. Don’t let unresolved issues put your partnership at risk.
Conclusion
Having separate discretionary funds to use freely also avoids money debates. Automate savings and debt payments to happen before free spending money is allocated. This way, couples get treats they enjoy while still funding priorities.
Major one-time costs like weddings, home repairs, or medical bills can be a breaking point. The saver may resist taking on debt while the spender pushes to finance large expenses. Be willing to sometimes splurge on things your partner values, like attending concerts or shows. Find ways you both benefit rather than a rigid 50/50 split on all costs.
